She announced her abortion via fbk
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
