oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
