Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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