dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize