I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
