Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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