Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Go christen that room with your naked body.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
