what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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