my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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