i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
