she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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