She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
