Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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