the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
