sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
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Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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