I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
