Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
