i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
