Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
