Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
