Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Welp...herpes.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
