And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
