Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
