NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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