finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
