Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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