Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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