what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
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Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
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We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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