OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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