My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
