come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
don't judge my taste in strippers
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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