The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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