and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
