why do cheetos always look like penises
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
