my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
