Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
