I must be too annoying 4 u.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
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You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
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this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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