That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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