I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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