i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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