bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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