So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
