I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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