you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
