All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
