he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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