My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
