You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
