My hand turned me down
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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