C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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