Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
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Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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