the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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