Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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