Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
