I think my vagina is haunted
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
