so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
