Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Your dad touched me again.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
