Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
