Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
