Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize