I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
