if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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