MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
