we have officially lost it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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