i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
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I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize