Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
