You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I bet he comes in French.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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