best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize