I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
