what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
