Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize