Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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