next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
