i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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